29.

it was the wednesday-est of birthdays

on tuesday my eye started hurting
when i looked in the mirror
it was pink and gooey

i went to the clinic at walmart
it was pinkeye

i waited for my prescription
in the walmart parking lot

eating chinese takeout
watching the sun set on my 28th year

i had made cupcakes for my students
and i had no sub

so i went to school and told them not to
come near me

the principal found me a sub by 9:00
so i left

then i was alone on my birthday
not expected

i hiked at stroud's
and waited to not be contagious

once it cleared up i went to the
jackie o's tap room

then i met friends at salaam and ate
so much birthday food

i tried so hard to stay out really late
but i could not

so sara cole drove me home and we sat
on my porch

in the dark, cool night
searching for fireflies
waiting for 30

28.

i taught at vernonia
in the mountains

i ate dinner at proper eats
in st johns

i wore a dress i got at the goodwill
in tillamook

it was the same lifelong friends
but not the dude

we also went to the fixin' to
around the corner

then popped the 1985 wine my dad bought for me
who knows how long ago

kate brought cupcakes from an adorable vegan bakery
in portland

zeb mailed me a birthday mug
grad school friends drank whiskey with me the night before

my mentor teacher bought oreos and dark chocolate
and all the students danced

27.

(the night before)
i had a potluck in my house
that i shared with roommates

we tried to grill
but it rained instead

we did play bocce ball
and all the food was excellent

several lifelong friends
and the dude i was seeing

i stayed up too late
and was tired on my actual birthday

when i brought cookies and juice
to share with the students

at my job in west linn
which i was almost late to

then i went and got several
voodoo doughnuts with kate

and brennan came over to help me
eat leftovers

the weekend before
my mom and laura came

we ate hot lips pizza and drank
$1 mimosas

and i ran a half marathon
and it rained

26.

i had a potluck in my yard
that i shared with my landlords

fewer people came
but all the right ones

we had a grill
and 3 birthday cakes

then i went uptown with my
neigh-bros

spilled a drink and
made a good friend

and i had 3 birthday cakes

25.

i had a potluck in my yard
that i shared with my landlords

my birthday dress was purple
and sparkly

we played in the tree house
had a fire in the fire pit

all the best people came
throughout the night

and then i left to go watch
the make-believes

the only problem
i had zero birthday cakes

which is ironic because that day
i sold $50 of cupcakes

24.

i was living in the co-op
on eliot st
we had potlucks every thursday
which my birthday was

at work a customer bought me
a chocolate bar
and i twirled around in my new
birthday dress

we had a big potluck
it was sarah-themed
everyone came
(we mostly had curry and beer)

the night before
ian took me on a surprise date
to china fortune
and our allergies were really bad

and my mom mailed me a cookbook
full of super hippie food
and beautiful pictures
i was happy

23.

i was thrilled to at last be
twenty-three
being the youngest employee
at my school

the night before was the third tuesday in may
spring primary day
in oregon anyway
a presidential year!

i'm not actually going to make this a poem

we went to thai food with
my parents and greta
greta filled out her mail-in ballot
as we waited for food
laura was on a bus coming back from
a parade in canada

on my birthday
there was a potluck at work
my mom brought in a
cake from sweet life

we went to villard
with all the best friends
and ate hummus
and drank vodka lemonades

a few months later we moved to ohio.

22.

22 was pretty mundane
it rained
i was supposed to be working on my thesis
it was a monday
we went to taylor's
for dollar wells
then we went to rennie's
sat outside
i ran into an old friend
from marching band
and then we all
went home

21.

twenty-one
another
hotly anticipated

i had 3 parties

for the first one
it was raining
and like 5 people came over
i was 20 and 364 days old
so beer was scarce

for the second one
we had to wait for midnight
april and erin brought me
vegan cupcakes
then we went to rennie's

for the third one
(my actual birthday)
i walked to market of choice
bought champagne
ate hash browns

then erin came over
and we went everywhere
tried everything
most places give you 1 free drink
on your 21st birthday

at the time
i was very proud of myself
the next few days
i felt fairly horrible

also the night before
i kissed my neighbor
for the first time
we dated for the next
3 years

20.

it was raining
i lived in a mildewy basement
apartment
on willamette street

the 1980s
were big again that year
somehow
so it was an 80s party

less than last year
a random assortment of people
ventured out
in rainy 80s garb

the next day
i got my first tattoo
imagine
at the parlour

the night before
i had dinner with my family
visited robina's old dog and house and i cried and i cried and it threw everything off

19.

i had a band concert again
because of a visiting tuba
expert

i had a superhero party
it went for many many
hours

all of my friends came
and friendly acquaintances
over 100 people

to our apartment
mine and amelia's
(now i lived with amelia)

it was the best party I threw
in all of college
(now i had bright red hair)

when you're in college
it's okay to kiss your friends again
so i did (all of them)

18.

eighteen.
one-eight.
the big one.

the one i had been waiting for for so long
over the interminable freshman year
thought i would never ever get to be 18

it was a sunny day in the dorms
i ate vegetables and a chocolate smoothie
ran around outside

i had a band concert that night
my parents and sisters came
went to thai food

at midnight i scampered
to 7-11 with amelia
bought cloves and lottery tickets

we got back to the dorms
and i made new friends
still friends with them today

(and i met a boy with dyed red hair who i was in love with for the next 2.5 weeks)

17.

two weeks later
I would graduate
from high school

two days earlier
I went to prom
and got my heart broken

on the day I turned 17
I was still heartbroken
and my dad was out of town
so I went to a friend's house
and watched 16 candles
and ate brownies

(I did drive myself there though!)

16.

This birthday was similar to 15
but everything was easier

We had been in our house for a year
the carpet was already dirty

A handful of people came over
and they were all my friends

We wore track sweatshirts and marching band tshirts
and wrote in French on our red solo cups

It was anticlimactic because
I still didn't know how to drive

15.

We had just moved into our new house
with almost-white carpet

A lot of people came over
some were not my friends

I wore snakeskin print pants
my favorite

There was a lot of food
and we broke the gazebo

Then we all left to go to a theater thing
and Robina existed only in our hearts

I did not get my learner's permit
but I did get a new bed

14.

It was the 50th anniversary of my high school
and I played in a band concert
honoring each decade.

The next morning the marching band went to Canada
for a parade
and all my friends signed a card for me.

I remember opening it on the bus
the envelope was green.



Robina was not there for any of it
(she was very sick).

13.

I was so excited to become a teenager
and so excited to be almost done with middle school

I had an old pin that said "birthday girl" on it
I attached it to a fluorescent hair clip
and wore it all day

that morning in a high school
in the next town over
kip kinkel walked into the cafeteria
and opened fire
2 kids died


I don't think I had a birthday party that year

12.

we went to skate world again
in the big old station wagon

mostly because I didn't know what else to do
stuck in that awful in between
middle-school times

11.

I had made it to the end of the first awful year of middle school
I had made some new friends too
and Robina was there

we went to skate world
in our huge old station wagon
after my friends rode the bus home with me
(that may have been the most exciting part!)

10.

For 10 I was supposed to have a sleepover
and my 3 closest friends were going to come
but then I got sick so they did not come

so now I don't remember if we ended up doing anything

9.

I think this was the year of the slip and slide

or maybe it was the year we puff painted t-shirts

mine said "flower girl"
(because I was a girl who liked flowers)

and Robina was there.

8.

I should mention that at this point
I was beyond anxious for each birthday
being the most extremely youngest kid in my class

At this point my sister was having birthday parties too
and they all followed a similar theme

backyard // decorate homemade cupcakes // play non-dangerous versions of traditional games

so I'm guessing that was what happened on this birthday

and Robina was there
(probably).

7.

I invited some friends from school.
A girl in my class was sad to not get invited
so I told her maybe I'd invite her next year
and we actually became friends over the next year

and Robina was there
(probably).

6.

I was half in kindergarten and half in first grade. I invited friends from school. Half were in kindergarten and half were in first grade.

We sat in a circle on the living room floor to open presents.
I didn't know yet
that you weren't supposed to kiss your friends
so when I opened each present
I kissed that friend in turn.

Halfway through opening presents was when I learned
so then I asked if they wanted a kiss or a hug
(they all chose hugs).

5.

I don't remember much, except I was sad because it meant that I would not get to go to preschool anymore.

(Luckily they don't kick you out the second you turn 5.)

4.

I had a party in the backyard.
My friends from preschool came, and my friends from swim & gym, and the neighbor friends.
We played beanbag toss. My mom made beanbags with each child's first initial sewn on.
I had lemon cake with lemon frosting.
At that birthday party, I charted out what type of cake I would have for every birthday in the imaginable future: 5, 6, and 7.

(I stuck to it.)

3.

I wore light pink overalls.
The table was covered in presents.
I sat in my chair.
I put my hands in my pockets, leaned back in my chair, and surveyed the table.
"I'm three now," I thought. "I am just about as big as I could possibly be."
The sun shone through the windows and lighted up the coffee table and me in my pint-sized chair.

0.

everything was the blackest black and then it was the brightest bright blistering orange
and it was loud and full of people
and it hurt